One day, a man came home and was
greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
" Tie me up, " she purred, " and you can do
anything you want. "
So he tied her up and went riding on his CR500.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed
the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "
Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery! "
The husband said, " Oh my God! What should I
pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff? " " Doesn't
matter, " she said. " Just get out. "
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person
is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the
letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
" Can you read this? " the optician asked.
" Read it? " the Polish guy replied, " I know
the guy. "
**************************************************
Mother
Superior called all the nuns together and said
to them,
" I must tell you all something. We have a
case of gonorrhea in the convent. "
" Thank God, " said an elderly nun at the back. "
I'm so tired of chardonnay. "
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
" Careful, " he said, " CAREFUL! Put in some
more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you
CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget
to salt them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! "
The wife stared at him.
" What in the world is wrong with you? You think I
don't know how to fry a couple of eggs? "
The husband calmly replied, " I just wanted
to show you what it feels like when I'm driving. "
good stuff
