To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up aluminium in the dictionary, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix
'-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable evels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are
not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer
at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,
and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. All dentists shall be shot on sight.
God save the Queen.
England taking US Back...
-
Slow old Fart
- Posts: 444
- Joined: February 12th, 2008, 6:19 am
- Last active:
England has been conquered by the same people who conquered the US and most of the world.
They told the Monarchy to just sit back watch your stock profits grow in your new counterfeiting ring you gave us by graNTING us A CHARTER TO ISSUE BILLS OF CREDIT OUT OF NOTHING.
The crown of England is not the Monarchy it is the BANK of England! this has all been hidden from us the serfs.
In WW I who was left standing in the European theatre? the Kieser was gone and so was the Russian Zar! Little old England was running the show after that along with her hired thug the USofA.
They told the Monarchy to just sit back watch your stock profits grow in your new counterfeiting ring you gave us by graNTING us A CHARTER TO ISSUE BILLS OF CREDIT OUT OF NOTHING.
The crown of England is not the Monarchy it is the BANK of England! this has all been hidden from us the serfs.
In WW I who was left standing in the European theatre? the Kieser was gone and so was the Russian Zar! Little old England was running the show after that along with her hired thug the USofA.
-
Slow old Fart
- Posts: 444
- Joined: February 12th, 2008, 6:19 am
- Last active:
I have very little sence of humor on this subject, We Ron Paul supporters are waiting for everyone to wake up to what has really happened through the monetary system and that the country has been sold.AlisoBob wrote:This was supposed to be funny .....
I do not want to live like the English their humor is not funny at all! I try and laugh about the state of the US but it is hard.
-
Slow old Fart
- Posts: 444
- Joined: February 12th, 2008, 6:19 am
- Last active:
You are right so I am trying to figure out where to run, Bob do you have room for me on the back porch.AlisoBob wrote:You have a veryyyyyy long wait ahead of you.....Slow old Fart wrote:We Ron Paul supporters are waiting for everyone to wake up ....
I have a collection of Cr 500 junk even you would be proud of.
-
britincali
- Posts: 8207
- Joined: May 31st, 2007, 7:10 pm
- Last active:
- Location: Barstow, CA
-
britincali
- Posts: 8207
- Joined: May 31st, 2007, 7:10 pm
- Last active:
- Location: Barstow, CA
-
iggys-amsoil
- Posts: 3602
- Joined: June 1st, 2007, 6:09 pm
- Last active:
- Location: Just North of March Airfield CA
-
britincali
- Posts: 8207
- Joined: May 31st, 2007, 7:10 pm
- Last active:
- Location: Barstow, CA
Re: England taking US Back...
AlisoBob wrote:
12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
That one's the best
Coolness list by 90cr500guy
Bob's = 50/50
Cepek = cool
Solidbro = cool
Brit = loser
Stoffer = 1 up from Brit
MFDB = cool
Danny = ok
Bob's = 50/50
Cepek = cool
Solidbro = cool
Brit = loser
Stoffer = 1 up from Brit
MFDB = cool
Danny = ok
-
Slow old Fart
- Posts: 444
- Joined: February 12th, 2008, 6:19 am
- Last active:
///////////////////////
Last edited by Slow old Fart on February 21st, 2008, 4:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
Slow old Fart
- Posts: 444
- Joined: February 12th, 2008, 6:19 am
- Last active: