BannedCR500Riders.com

Maybe we should sticky this if it takes off, shit like this is funny as fuck.


So, to start. the guy that sold my cousin the RM125. it didnt come with an air filter or filter basket (how the fuck do you lose the filter basket)

so i called the guy up and asked him if he had it, of course no was the reply.

I went on to say that it is a good thing i checked that cause we were gonna go riding the next day, and that would have trashed the motor.

any idea what he said?

Dude, riding it without the filter wont be a big deal, i just put new reeds in it!.

I coudnt fucking believe my ears!

I had a girl in a barstow gas station ask me "are you from british???"

I had a friend call me... says his buddy was having a tough time tuning his motor....

500cid, sheetmetal ram, dual 1050's...

So I got over there.... says he has had it running, but it wont idle of take any throttle.

I ask him to crank it over...... the plugs are in, but it cranks real fast.. without much resistance... sounds weird too.....

I tell him to pop off the valve covers....

BINGO!!!!

No pushrods.... none.. zero...... ZILCH!!!!!

I tell him.... " You had it running..... huh?" I split.

Fukin dumbass or what?

At my shop, it's 5:20 pm(we close at 5:00), all the shop doors are closed, our main chain link fence is closed and locked, the dog is out, I've got the front door slightly ajar to cool off with my ice cold beverage.
Someone drives up, clanks his keys on the fence post and asks, "Are you Closed?"

God I have so many....mostly goofing on dumbass pilots. The only one that comes to mind.....wasn't said to me....but rather to someone that I "hooked up" and I was in the area trying not to laugh....FAIL. I laughed my ass off!

So this jet (A-10) in-flight-emergency lands with a "Dual Engine Rollback." I knew it was a BS call from the start. Freaking pilot made a mistake and through they saw something that will NEVER happen or it was pilot induced.

Those kind of call outs get A LOT of attention from brass. So I had to do something with it. Even tho the pilot finger-focked their way through describing something that did not happen. The engine monitoring system (TEMS) did not pick up any events and everything was peachy.

Being pissed off, I got run clearance, climbed into the cockpit and fired up both motors. Did my 5 minute warm-up...looked around...nobody around...stood on the brakes and slammed both throttles to max trying to dupe the so called event. I held both throttles there until my ground guy "disconnects" from his comm cord and walks away and near falls over. I chop the throttles back to idle and start wondering WTF!

He reconnects and his face is red and is laughing hysterically. I cant understand a word he is saying. I finally, he gets out a, "Look over your left shoulder." I look and noticed I blew over a plastic shit house from the engine exhaust blast. Oops!

I shut down the engines and climb out....no defect noted. But I did notice the shit house was moving. Holy shit! There was someone in there!!!!

By now there is a crowd. This weapons troop was in there pissing and went on a little ride inside the crapper. The dood was covered in shit, piss and blue water......he looked like the swamp thing.

He was retching and barfing all over the place. People kept asking him. "Hey man, are you ok?"

now thats effin hilarious..

I went to the parts store to get a set of plug wires and a distributor cap for my old toyota 4x4 truck.

The parts guy behind the counter then asks me, "Is that for a diesel engine?"

I replied, "Yah, probably"

Another good one came to mind....

A roughneck was using a steam hose to de-ice our rig floor a few winters ago.
After he made a big mess, he then walked over to me and asked,
"hey, where do I turn off this steam hose? I'm all finished with it"

I replied, "why dont you try following the f'n hose back to the valve that it is attached to!"

Some people ask some classic questions.

I dont think this is the dumbest thing ive heard, I just think this guy is plain dumb.

I was selling my 85 and I asked the guy if he knew that you have to run premix in the fuel, he responds "Yea I just picked up a gallon of homelite 2 stroke oil" a week later I was out riding at frank reins and saw my old bike blown up in a mud hole

caseyracing222 wrote:I dont think this is the dumbest thing ive heard, I just think this guy is plain dumb.

I was selling my 85 and I asked the guy if he knew that you have to run premix in the fuel, he responds "Yea I just picked up a gallon of homelite 2 stroke oil" a week later I was out riding at frank reins and saw my old bike blown up in a mud hole

shoulda went and got it!

I asked a guy at my work to go get the Delo 400 "multi-grade" oil so we could add some to the truck we were pretripping and he comes back and says "There isn't any multi-grade there's only 10-40"