Airline funnies
Posted: August 6th, 2008, 8:03 am
> Airplane Problems
> mark as unread <\l >
> After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which
> tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
> pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
> said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
> maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded
> by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is
> the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
> Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers:
> Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers:
> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in
> cockpit.
> Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
> Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers:
> Evidence removed.
> Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more
> believable level.
> Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers:
> That's what friction locks are for.
> Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative
> in OFF mode.
> Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right.
> Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing
> after brief search.
> Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to
> straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with
> lyrics.
> Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed.
> Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from
> midge
> mark as unread <\l >
> After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which
> tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
> pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
> said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
> maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded
> by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is
> the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
> Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers:
> Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers:
> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in
> cockpit.
> Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
> Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers:
> Evidence removed.
> Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more
> believable level.
> Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers:
> That's what friction locks are for.
> Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative
> in OFF mode.
> Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right.
> Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing
> after brief search.
> Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to
> straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with
> lyrics.
> Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed.
> Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from
> midge
