Jaw Boner..... Feb 16 /17 2008

[AlisoBob]

You could go if you really wanted to.....

How to Call in Sick When You Just Need a Day Off

Everyone needs the occasional unscheduled day of leisure. Here is how to get yours without raising suspicions at work.

1. Complain about fake symptoms. A day before your day-off, make hints about your flu by casually reporting about your untrue flu-like symptoms throughout the whole day to your colleagues. For example, say that your bones hurt and you feel a little sore on that day. This way, your coworkers can make the connection to your symptoms from the day before.
2. Call your boss early the next morning. Do not delay because it will cause displeasure to your boss. And also you will want to avoid you boss from labeling you as a bad employee by not informing him or her early. Moreover, if you call early, you will have a rather rough voice after waking up. This will give you some added credibility
3. Make the call a short one. Just say that you are not coming in as you are calling in sick that day. Excellent choices are severe headache or stomach ailment, as they are common. Don't get too detailed. For instance, don't say that you were sick at 12:34 last night or your computer was yet to be cleaned of the vomit.
4. Be prepared for a Q&A session. Is your boss nosy? Anxious about the sickness (if you work in food service, for example)? Try to imagine what kinds of questions your boss might have. Food poisoning? Contagious? Have you called a doctor? Have you taken anything? Try to have answers for these questions prepared ahead of time; otherwise you'll be fumbling and might lose your story.
5. Get off the phone as quickly as possible; stories are told by liars. The longer you are on the phone, the better chance you have to mess something up.


Things to Do and Say While on the Phone

1. Make a fake stomach ache sound. Bend over your toilet while pressing your forearm into your stomach so you begin to sound like your stomach is really under attack. Usually this would make you sound like you just finished vomiting.
2. Make your vomit sound real. Get a can of soup, for the sound effect of vomit falling in the toilet. When you call, complain of nausea and vomiting the night before then pause for a few seconds. After that, just moan and run to the bathroom and make vomiting sounds as you slowly pour the soup into the toilet bowl. Pause for a few seconds more and ask him whether you could call him later. Then hang up.
3. Know more excuses. Another example of embarrassing ailments might be "an ingrown hair in your genital area," making it impossible to walk without excruciating pain. This also serves the added bonus of probably not getting asked about it later.
4. Make sounds of a running nose. Put your nose under a running faucet and take a shallow breath through your nose. It's uncomfortable for a short period but effectively gives you the sniffles for 2-3 minutes. This is long enough for you to make a convincing call to your boss and then proceed with your day off. For a less uncomfortable version, pop a piece of cotton wool up one nostril to sound bunged up.


Good Examples of a Sick Statement

* "Morning. I'm not going to be in today. I was up all last night sick. My stomach feels terrible."

* "I won't be in today, I am not feeling well."

* "I've spent the last 24 hours either in bed or in the bathroom. I don't think I should go to work today."

* "I'm not sure I'll be able to make it to work today, sir (cough) . I was up late through the night (cough) vomiting and coughing continuously (clear throat). I guess that you wouldn't want me to make everyone else sick (cough, cough) too."

* "I'm in terrible shape, and I just don't think it would be fair to you or my co-workers (and/or customers if you're in the retail or food industry) to come to work in this condition - I'd be pretty useless like this."

* "I'm using a sick day today" (Usually stories are told when you are lying).

* "Hi, this is _____ ______ , I don't think I'm going to be able to make it in today. I've been up since ____ am , throwing up."

THE ACE in the HOLE:

* "I can't come to work. I have explosive diarrhea."


Alternative Contact Method

1. Find alternative ways of contacting your boss. This can be calling your boss' voice mail or SMS or even sending an e-mail rather than speaking with him or her directly. This avoids the possibility of questions and awkward advice that often trips up the caller. Also, get ready for what to say when the time comes. There isn't always an option to erase and re-record your message if you mess up.

Fake Sick at Work Method

1. Act sick at work. If you really want people to believe you, go to work as per normal. Bring a can of soup with you. When there are at least three people in the room at work, hold your stomach, groan loudly, hold your mouth and then dart into the bathroom. Someone will probably come into the bathroom simply because they will get curious, so close the door and make puking sounds while dumping the soup.
2. Put on some make up. Spread some soup on your mouth, hold your stomach and come out. Either wash the soup on your mouth in the sink or if you want to be daring, come out holding you're stomach with the "vomit" on you're face and act dizzy.


Tips

* When you actually ARE sick and you need to get a doctor's note for work, ask for a "Return To Work" date which you know is longer than you'll really need, then go back to work "early" before the note says you should return. This makes you look like a dedicated employee who uses less sick time than necessary, and is documentation that you can point to in your employment record, should your use of sick time ever be questioned in the future.
* Make the phone call to your boss whilst lying on your back - you automatically sound groggy.
* If your "affliction" sounds gross enough, your boss is more likely to want to hang up the phone and let you get on with it - diarrhea is the classic example of this. Also, if you're female, say hesitantly, "Feminine problems."
* If you live with a housemate or spouse, ask them (nicely) to make the phone-in-sick-call and tell them to explain you are too ill to get to the phone.
* Be sure not to use "if I feel better, I'll try to come in after lunch." He will know you won't and will immediately know you're lying.
* Do not "schedule" a sick day in advance. If your boss finds out that you let people know two weeks ago that you were going to be sick today, you could lose your job.
* Lie in bed on your back with your head over the side. Let the blood rush to your head. After a few minutes, this position makes you sound very stuffy and just not yourself.
* The day before, if you have a "real" cold and there's a snowstorm, tell your workmates that you forgot to wear boots and consequently got a bunch of snow in your shoes and you drove home with frozen feet. Logically, you get a fever overnight.
* Go to work when you're really sick, so your boss will not think you're faking when you decided to play sick to get out of working. Once you're shoved out the door a few times for being deathly ill (and infectious) at work your boss becomes thankful when you do call in sick.
* If you go to the beach on your day off, don't forget the sunscreen. Showing up to work the next day looking like a lobster can be embarrassing, not to mention incriminating.
* If you want to get multiple days off, pick a good illness: a migraine or a bad case of gastro can get you off for two or more days, as they can carry on for a long time and pop up at any time. Pink eye and strep throat can drag on longer. Research the illness if you're very dedicated to avoiding work. Ask friends for the symptoms of the bad (real) illnesses they've had over time.
* Causally mention you've called the doctor and are waiting to hear back with an appointment time. (Say you left a message with the service last night or with a nurse today.) During peak cold and flu seasons it may be several days before they could squeeze you in for an office visit. If work demands a note after you get back you can always say your appointment isn't until later in the week. It gives you time to run to the doctor.


Warnings

* Be careful where you go on your sick day. If you're caught shopping for shoes near your workplace by your co-worker or boss, you're in trouble.
* It's important that your boss thinks you are sick in your bed. Blaring music or a loud TV can destroy that image as thoroughly as thousands of screaming fans at a football game. If you're outside the house, calling from your car might be the quietest place you can manage. Make sure the engine and air conditioner is turned off.
* Be sure not to overdo the sick sounds when you leave a message. Managers often forward the most ridiculous-sounding messages and you can become quite infamous among the management team.
* Be careful when using the cold as a sickness because you don't want to show up to work the next day all clear. The cold is best used when you actually have one, but it's just not bad enough to warrant staying home and you want to anyway. That way when you arrive the next day you still have some signs of it.
* Calling in sick without being sick is best done for one day (or possibly two days) in a row. Longer than that may require a note from your doctor.
* Don't come back to work the next day with a suntan, pictures, stories, etc. If you share what you have done with your co-workers, they may turn on you and tell your boss. Worse, they may steal all of your good excuses.
* Do not use an excuse about someone in your family dying because the boss can find out for sure and you will be caught in a lie. This will make you less credible to your boss when someone really does die.
* Try not to call in "sick" on too many Mondays or Fridays - extended weekends tend to stick out in the minds of bosses and co-workers. Calling out on the occasional Tuesday is more credible. Also, do not make a habit of taking leave on important days like the day the team needs to work extra time to meet the deadline. This will make yourself less credible among the team and boss.
* Some phones allow you the option to "send text message later"; note that this option doesn't always work! Don't rely on it.
* When you first come back, move slowly, rub your eyes and be a little rumpled; this will reinforce the idea that you are a trooper, working when you feel bad, rather than a slacker.
* All in all the best thing to do is never throw a sickie (Calling in sick when you are not genuinely ill), not only is it dishonest and deceitful, if you are found out you could face disciplinary action and even worse you can lose your job. Giving out false information can be grounds for disciplinary action and worse losing your job.


See Brit, Easy!!!

[dannygraves]

[britincali]

Getting the day off aint an issue is the possible money lost, Ive havent been this broke since I was 14

[M.F.D.B.]

Getting the day off aint an issue is the possible money lost, Ive havent been this broke since I was 14

Flip some burgers...

[lewisclan]

it looks like I will be seting up at our normal area and will have someone there friday morning ..... who will be there thrusday?

[AlisoBob]

I might do Friday / Sat, instead of Sat / Sun.

[iggys-amsoil]

Well I've been kickin this around, I may come solo but I'd like to get the wife out.

I'll bring five lbs of tip once I give the word. Most likely yes. Prob get there 2pm ish friday.

I wonder if Robs loop is snowed in.

[AlisoBob]

TeemTrouble ( Mike) is prolly' bringing the wifey too Igg-ro.... so your wife will have a ride partner.

[zorak-2]

I wonder if Robs loop is snowed in.

Most likley its been cold out there and they just got a bunch of snow from this last storm last night. There was enough snow to where they closed down 58. That is very rare for them close down 58 it takes alot of snow for that.

Brit lay off the booze and that will save you some money.

[iggys-amsoil]

TeemTrouble ( Mike) is prolly' bringing the wifey too Igg-ro.... so your wife will have a ride partner.

Ya I saw that and Cyd should be there too. Weather permitting, yesterday out in the rain and cold at Cabazon set her back today.

[lewisclan]

yep Cyd will be there

[pstoffers]

Looks like RP is out he broke his finger

Me, my woman and possibly hagendog and one of my womans friends
will be there late friday....

[M.F.D.B.]

Looks like RP is out he broke his finger

Doesnt he have 9 more?? How many you need??

[lewisclan]

Looks like RP is out he broke his finger

Me, my woman and possibly hagendog and one of my womans friends
will be there late friday....

try to make it as early as you can

[bigjay]

where and what kind of riding is this? if i dotn have a bike by then i can barrow a cr250 or .... 400ex

[AlisoBob]

Alot of different kinds of terrain.

Some loamy, some broken rock, some sand.

You have your choice of skill levels... from mild to wild

Jawbone has it all.

Your more than welcome!!!

[pstoffers]

Looks like RP is out he broke his finger

Me, my woman and possibly hagendog and one of my womans friends
will be there late friday....

try to make it as early as you can

I dont get off work tell 5 pm.

[bigjay]

sounds like its got it all.. where is it?

[sabreguy]

Just north of Mojave on the 14 freeway.

[iggys-amsoil]

Ok here we go. Click for larger pic.



Closer in. Midland Trial is Hwy 14. To the left of the light gray area is the black pipe, were about a 1/4 mile passed that. It where the first permanent outhouse is. There a white pipe where the O is in the word Canyon. Keep going.

[teemtrubble]

So you guys want to have a group meal? What day? What can we bring?

[AlisoBob]

SUSHI!!!

[M.F.D.B.]

SUSHI!!!

Im down, whos bringing the cheff??

[teemtrubble]

SUSHI!!!

Not you Big foot!

[zorak-2]

SUSHI!!!